think before you tell

I usually don't mind telling people about having schizophrenia hints the blog. I do avoid telling certain people for many reasons. When I do spill the beans it usually isn't 1 of the first things I tell people about me.
The other day at work my beans were spilled when I didn't really want them to be. A coworker was talking about some people he knows and how they're schizophrenic. I froze when I heard the word. Do I say something or do I just shut up and ignore it? My friend that I work with goes "So is she!" My friend didn't mean to say something I didn't want said. He knows how open I am about it. My other co worker was like "really?" I told them yes and that I have disorganized type. Then we went on with our normal conversation.
I couldn't help but think about what had happened later after I got home. I've been trying to be more quiet about it lately. I don't want people to think I am seeking attention. I also know that it scares people. I am all about educating others, but sometimes there are things that we can tell others that they will never understand.
Tonight I had a conversation with my roommate. I told he about how I had been forced to go to chapel (I went to a private Christian School) even against my doctor's best judgement. My doctor and I both threatened to sue. I sent in a doctors note multiple times and explained schizophrenia symptoms lead to sensory overload which leads to anxiety and command hallucinations. I explained that the command hallucinations weren't telling me to do harmless things. They wanted me to kill other people. I told my roommate about what I had written. She didn't seem to be phased, but I couldn't help but think I had said too much. I wouldn't worry as much if I had said that to someone else who had command hallucinations or schizophrenia. It wouldn't scare them because they would understand. The general public is easily frightened. I am worried that I may be labelled as a murderer or a psycho because of these command hallucinations.
Don't be afraid to educate others and definitely do not be ashamed if you have something you can't help. Don't be surprised if someone freaks out or becomes afraid though. They'll never fully understand.
Think about things before you say them and think about who you're talking to. Some may not react as expected.
Take care of yourselves.
Love, A Schizophrenic.