So I recently began working at a Taco Bell in town. I was helping make food for the drive through when my coworkers began talking about counselling and psychiatric disorders that they have. I felt sooooooo awkward. I wanted to tell them about me because they were talking all about their anxiety disorders and like a.d.d and things of that nature.I finished the order, handed it to the window and turned to face them. I awkwardly blurted out, I have been diagnosed with disorganized schizophrenia. They all just looked at me. I put my head down and said, "Sorry. I just heard y'all talking about mental health things and thought I would jump in." They all were like "No, its fine." Then one guy began asking me questions about what it causes and things like that. They all listened. Later we all got back to work and it was fine.
My dad always tells me not to trust people. "Don't air out the dirty laundry." or "Don't spill all the beans." Sometimes people will be chill like my coworkers and other times people may react negatively. Sometimes it is difficult to tell which people will react in what way. Especially if your disorder compromises your ability to understand social construct. I am a firm believer in "if you don't talk about it, it will never change." Unfortunately, some people may try to get you fired from a place or treat you differently. I've had friends quite talking to me, friends have tried to exorcise demons from me, and others become afraid because they think I am a murderer....thanks Hollywood. Once again, these things may never change. They never will if we don't talk about it. I'm not telling you to make yourself uncomfortable and tell everyone you know.The decision is yours. There are still places and people I choose not to speak about it around. One day I will and that's fine. One day maybe you'll be okay with talking more about it and that's fine too. Sometimes it is okay to take chances. Do not be ashamed. If other people react poorly it is on them and not you.
Love yourself and don't be ashamed.
Love, A Schizophrenic.
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