You choose yours

A few weeks ago I went to do yardwork for my band director. I told him what I wanted to do with my life after I graduate. He ended up bluntly giving me a list of reasons of why I can't do what I want to do. It was almost rude...hateful even. I was honestly taken back at what he told me. I asked him "what is so wrong with my playing that I can't do that?" He told me that at this level I should be able to figure that out for myself. Then he asked "do you know who I think the best performer in the school of music is?" Of course I knew. Tim. Tim is 1 of his favorites so of course Tim is always the best. What sucked is that after this conversation I had to go and do his yard work with tears in my eyes. A lady rides by and ask him what he was having done to his yard. He explained that I am 1 of his students. Then I heard him say something along the lines of "I got to take advantage while I have them." Like...is that all I am to you? Am I just someone who does yard work terribly? I'm sure I'm not even good at that.

Before this happened I told him I want to take composition classes too. He said I need to focus on my degree requirements, especially aural skills. I don't suck at aural skills. I get A-'s on sightsinging that vocalist fail at. My problem is dictation. I don't suck at it either. I just can't her the music over the 1000 voices screaming at me because I am about as crazy as they come. So I have that obsticle to work around. He doesn't understand that. No one does. 

I have decided to take the compositiom classes anyway because this is MY education and I decide what happens. I do not care how much it cost. I am willing to pay. I have decided that I am good at what I do. I shouldn't have to prove myself to him or try to be one of his favorites. I have also decided that when I ho and do something amazing no one will get the credit but.me and God. I was never noticed much growing up and the same for now. I will do something big though. It will be amazing. 

I get to choose.

Love, A Schizophrenic