So we left off with my "mission" of saving the land of Tyrenia, being complicated by being in a strict psych ward. Let me remind you, I really had no idea that all of the Tyrenia/ hallucinations weren't real. I didn't even know who or what was a hallucination or wasn't.
My Blue brought the 12 bunnies in to see me. He knew that I was alone and wanted me to have someone. One of the nurse came and stood in my room, "Candace?" he asked. "What are you talking to?"
"The bunnies. They're over here in the corner." I remember responding. He smiled and walked away. Not long after that, it was time for meds. I had been switched around so much that I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be taking anymore. "Candace, Dr. So and so has decided to start you on a medicine called" I don't remember what it was called. "Why am I here?" I asked them. "To take medicine." was the nurse scanning bracelets response. At that time it had occurred to me that I didn't know where I was or why I was there. I began throwing fits. I thought that the government had taken me for testing so that they could also go to Tyrenia. Mr Red kept telling me to fight. I tried to leave. I wanted to, but I kept forgetting everything. I had 0 consentration abilities. The other 4 people in the ward tried to help me. I know they did because I remember them.
One night, Mr Green appeared to me while I was sleeping. He told me the war was progressing. He told me it would be too late soon. I remember going with him to Tyrenia that night. We searched everywhere for pieces of a mirror to end the war. "Why can't you come to my world...forever?" I asked him. "We wouldn't be welcomed." He said.
I woke up and one of the other patients was praying for me. Another patient accused him of having the spirit of Enoch. I know he was just bi-polar. He was in a manic state and experiencing psychosis. "Why aren't they welcomed?!" I screamed as he left. "Try her on Latuda!" I heard from the other patient. She had the same Dr I did and heard me screaming. I tried to go back to Tyrenia and I tried to find pieces of the mirror everywhere. Nothing worked.
I felt so anxious that night. "I think I am going to pass out." I said to the nurse. "Well, lay down so yu don't fall." She said as she watched netflix on her hospital issued laptop. "Its the Latuda. I'm on it." Said the one girl. "I think they put you on it too because nothing else worked. THey were going to send you with me." She said. "Send me with you?" I asked. "To Broughton. I've been there before." She replied. To those of you who don't know, Broughton is a state mental hospital in Morganton, N.C. "patients name... Why don't you let her rest?" asked one of the orderlies. I fell asleep later. THe anxiety had me bouncing around so bad. I was taking 160 mg every night along with other meds. I wrote my Dr a note asking how I would be able to save their world if I was on that stupid medicine. That is why he upped the dose so quickly I guess. Days later, I quit going to Tyrenia. I went home instead. Sometimes, I still see the 3. THey told me the Latuda helped me find the mirror. They said the war was inside me. They said each of them was a different part of me. My personality traits that if fully exposed, people wouldn't like me. I wouldn't be accepted. The Love Mirror? I needed to find love within myself so that I could truly love and not have a war waging inside of me. That was their explanation. I still see them sometimes along with many other things, but that delusion has faded and new ones arose. Those are true stories for another time though.
Love, a Schizophrenic
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