People who have lived with someone with a mental illness or even personality disorder know how stressful it can be at times. You have to know the right things to say or the right things to do to avoid conflict or breakdowns on either side. You have to be able to keep the peace. Most people don't realize how hard that is until it is happening to them. Caretakers often get hurt emotionally by something a mentally ill person says, but they aren't "supposed" to fire back because it could end very badly. This topic came to me while I was playing a game on my phone. I heard a familiar voice say to me, "Because, not all girls are monsters like you!"
This familiar voice belongs to someone who helped out in my youth group when I first started going to church. Our youth group had taken a trip to the mountains. That many kids to be in charge of for 2 days is more than enough to upset people. Some of us were outside playing wiffle ball. I don't remember what I said, but I do remember always managing to say the wrong things just about anytime I open my mouth. Whatever I said, I wasn't meaning to harm anyone. I do know the comment was directed at this youth leader's daughter and I was asking her something. I remember standing there smiling after my question so whatever I said I know it was intended playfully. Thats when I heard him. "Because" was his answer, "not all girls are monster like you." I remember the confusion I felt. Why would he say that to me? I never expected anything like that from this man's mouth. I respected him because I thought he was kind. Did having to deal with me for 2 days make him that upset? I walked away and pretended it didn't bother me, but to this day 7 years later, it still does. I try not to be a monster. I try not to use schizophrenia as an excuse, but sometimes it is actually schizophrenia's fault.
Another time, I was a bit younger, my sister and I were playing in our room. We were kicking and pushing each other off our bed. I had already had spankings and talking to's earlier that day. I didn't understand why I got in trouble for doing things the voices told me to do. "If they were so bad dad, why didn't you make them leave?" That was a question I used to ask him under my breath. My sister ended up falling off the bed and managed to grab my leg so I went down with her. She caught my leg on her chest and got up crying. She ran into the living room. Worried, I got up to go see if she was alright. My dad busted in the door angrily, grabbed me by my shoulders and began to jerk me back and forth screaming, "How do you like it?" Then, he threw me on the bed and stormed out. I just sat there crying wondering why everything I did was wrong and why people hated me so much.
In schizophrenia, and other mental disorders, people's thoughts sometimes don't make sense. Logic goes out the window and there is nothing that person can do about it. The mentally ill aren't always trying to be douches. My step mom used to get angry at me for self harm. The hallucinations I had made me do it. Zero, the little girl, would bite me if I didn't. Her bites hurt worse than the cuts it took to make her leave me alone. "You know you don't have to listen to them!" She would yell. Except, I did have to listen. Decision making, problem solving, logic, and so many other parts to thinking are disrupted with this disorder. Alot of the time, we really can't help what we say or do. You'd probably have the same reactions if you were in our shoes.
Emotions can be the same way. When people get super angry or hurt, things are said that just shouldn't be. Here are a few tips to caretakers to avoid hurt on both sides:
1: I've said this before, communicate and educate. Talk to each other. Share stories, thoughts, and SPEND TIME WITH EACH OTHER. Learn not just about the person's illness, but also about the person. The more you know about them when they aren't psychotic, the more you can help them when they are.
2: Try counting. When you get so angry you are ready to bust, try counting to 15 in your mind so you can think about wether or not what you have to say is helpful or not.
3: There are ways to get the point across to people without being rude. Take time to think about what you want to say and then find a nicer way of putting it. You are dealing with someone who is mentally ill. Excitment out of anger could easily land them hurt of back in a psych ward.
4: Maybe do some therapy sessions together. I would have loved it if my step mom or dad did this with me. My dad never wanted to because he never felt good. My step mom was afraid I'd been making her sound like a really bad person. It isn't my fault that is how she treated me. Regardless of how afraid you are, at least consider it. It may be helpful. Always talk to the person you are caring for and their therapist before actually doing this.
5: Take time for yourself. If at all possible do something nice for yourself. The sick aren't the only ones who need to be taken care of. Maybe you just need a vacation for a while. Maybe goto a spa or simply out to eat. The more you stay relaxed, the easier things will be.
Thanks for reading.
Love, a schizophrenic.
No comments:
Post a Comment