Schizophrenia, like many illnesses is one that doesn't just go away. For me, it started appearing at a young age. For others, it may not hit until late teens or even their 30's. When ever it hits it is devastating. I had a friend who was the top of his class all the way through high school, was a very hard worker, scored a 2150 on his SAT and had been accepted into Harvard. He began to act a little funny until 1 day he just quit moving. He didn't speak, eat, or drink anything. He just sat there with his head slightly angled to the left and looking down. "catatonic schizophrenia" his mom answered when I asked what was wrong. He was diagnosed just after graduation. He never made it to Harvard. He didn't even make it to his 20th birthday. He spoke to people that weren't there and cried for the demons to go away. He did things that didn't always make sense. He spent his days rocking on a chair in the back yard mumbling to himself no matter what I said. Then, he would go back to a psych ward. After a while, he'd be released and was "expected to do well." He was never violent towards anyone, but I saw the scars on his arm. He, like me, made frequent trips to the psych wards. One day, I got a call from his parents. His mom was crying so loud in the back ground I could barley understand his father. My friend had hanged himself in their garage while his parents were at the store.
My story is a bit different though. Thank God. I was diagnosed at age 17, but had a long history of mental problems. I was never an outstanding student. I had a 3.6 or 7ish graduating high school and scored almost an 1800 on my SAT. I now go to a small private university. The road was rocky and had all ups and downs to begin with. I have had to take a year off to stay in a mental hospital. I have had to miss classes because the symptoms were too rough. I've attempted suicide on several occasions. I've been on several meds and on several meds at once. I've seen dr after dr. There is no way I can fully describe what schizophrenia can do to people. Now, by the grace of God and the help of friends, I am back in school and doing decent. Life is still a struggle, but it moves on and so will I.
Whoever you are, please keep moving on. I know life is tough, but what ever you are facing please keep moving. Life is not over yet so don't tell yourself it is. Things will get better.
Caretakers of those with mental illness, depression and fear aren't the only reasons people kill themselves. 75% of my attempts were because hallucinations told me to and I wasn't mentally there enough to reason and say no. You have to watch out for them. Help them. You won't always be able to reason with people, but you can get them help. Don't give up on them or yourself and don't let them do it either.
Take care of each other. Mental illness or not, it is our job as humans to take care of each other. Watch out for your neighbor.
Love, a schizophrenic
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