Quite the Opposite

The other day I wrote of sometimes where I was looked down on or mistreated because of things I couldn't help. I know that many people think that behavior issues can always be helped and I beg to differ in the case of mental illness. The brain can be sick like anything else in the body. I also believe that there are things that I have done and still do that are not part of my illness. I just wanted to write a post to explain and give some examples.
When I was a child I was very self centered. One day, my sister wanted to play dragon ball z, but I wanted to play soccer. I told her, "Why don't we do what I want to do first and then we can do what you want to do." My sister agreed. After we played soccer I told her I was too tired to play dbz and that maybe we could play another time. The first couple times, she bought it. Then, she started to say to me, "That's what you said last time and you didn't do it!" I would then get mad and storm off. Sometimes I would hit her and others because hallucinations told me to, but this time was different. I chose to do this myself. I hit her. Under my own decision, I hit my sister. Some may argue that because the brain is different in schizophrenia, that I wouldn't have been able to see how socially that wasn't acceptable or whatever. In this specific case, I knew the difference. Schizophrenia is not always to blame.

Now, I still do things that are wrong, but I don't blame on schizophrenia as much as I do my own self centeredness or whatever. I've been known to toy with people's emotions in order to get what I want, I lie and am manipulative, and once again can be quite self centered. The difference now is that I am not afraid to admit to my short comings which leads to less anger.

So, if you are struggling with a mental disorder my only tip to you is to try and be as honest with yourself and a trusted family member, friend, psychiatrist, or psychologist. Don't beat yourself up. You do have a mental disorder, but you are also human. Being human means we are going to make our own mistakes. It may be tough and scary at first, but you can do it. Honesty with yourself can save a lot of stress and unneeded emotional outbreaks and confusion. This, however, does not mean that the things you do during psychosis or because of your disorder are your fault. Be honest, be patient, and communicate. You got this.
                                                                    Love, a schizophrenic