That time again

Today was the 1st time in a long time I've caved and thought about suicide. Think about it. Now? It'd be days before anyone noticed.
I'm not important enough for anyone to invite over. I have nothing much to offer and don't even have a car. People don't care enough to use 5 bucks on me or enough to make a last minute extra spot at their table. I try asking people, but the shut me up by explaining their plans. This isnt a Christmas thing. I've brushed it off too long now. This is an all the time thing. I had to beg people into hanging out with me on my birthday. What have I done so bad that my friends don't want to be near me? Am I too much? Too loud? Too weird? Too annoying? Too poor? Do I smell bad? Am I too ugly? Unimportant? Am I really that bad of a person? Someone please tell me because I am tired of being so lonely, over looked, and forgotten, all the time. Really, I'll change whatever it is and I'm sorry if its something I chose? I'm too pathetic. I had dreams of being somebody one day and I've fought to make those dreams a reality. Today I realized that I am further from that dream than when I began. No one will notice and no one will care.