Yesterday, I was just chilling and cooking some dinner. I was home alone. While standing in kitchen, I heard my mom's voice say "schizophrenia." At 1st I only heard it one time, but as the evening progressed she just kept saying it.
I hate when I have hallucinations of her. She died when I was a 12 and I don't remember her much. I am hurt by the loss of someone I, for what ever reason, can't remember much of. I remember the night she died all too clearly though. Usually when she is apart of a hallucination it is of her dead, but still alive. She walks to me with her eyes back in her head, the foam is still coming out of her mouth, she walks towards me saying "help me. Help me." ( I think she's saying that because when I was a kid she would have seizures. Oddly, she was able to repeat the words "help me" while she was seizing.) Then, she sticks her arms out reaching for me. Even though her eyes are rolled back she is always able to see me and follow me. I hate that I have to run from my own mother. I hate that the only time I ever hear her voice is during hallucinations.
People, enjoy your parents while you have them. One day they won't be there or, at least, won't be there in a pleasant form.
Love, A Schizophrenic
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