Thursday, September 3, 2015

just random thoughts saved as a draft from forever ago

I was lucky. My delusions and hallucinations weren't so bothersome that I couldn't focus during class. There where a few occasions that they were problematic, but were quickly solved with the help of well informed teachers. My teachers knew I wasn't quite like he other children. They knew that something about my mind was a bit...off, but helped me never the less. Some children and adults aren't as lucky though. Some people are educated through a home bound program and others are in special schools or home schooled.
Young children usually can't hold still very long at all and most teachers are trained to build lesson plans based on student needs. This can make it hard for teachers to notice mild symptoms. The child will continue through life thinking that what is in their brain is normal. If they do notice it isn't right or it is so bad they can't handle it, they don't always have the words to describe it. Grades can drop, irritability may rise, eating and sleep patterns may be disrupted, and some kids may pull away from other children in general or just their age. I pulled away from children my age and liked the older kids better.
Teenagers may also have problems with grades, carrying out and holding down a job, and many other things. In many cases, this is when the visits to the psychiatric facilities begin. Drs will start throwing out other diagnosis besides, add, adhd, or autism. Drs start looking at depression, anxiety disorders, or OCD. Most Drs try to avoid bipolar disorder, DID, and schizophrenia. They start small. add to anxiety to major depressive. Then they like to add in schizoid personality disorder or schizotypal. They might even throw around the word "schizophreniform." Then, they'll go back and forth between bipolar and schizoaffective. After a big psychotic break they will finally make a decision. This is how things seemed to me anyway. This isn't how all Drs do things. Many people will kill themselves or be locked up by the time they hit 20. I was lucky with that too. I was just in and out of psych wards for a few years.
Making friends that are real can be tough. I used to stop and talk to people on the street. I kept seeing them around. One day, my best friend asked me who I was talking to because there wasn't anyone there. It freaked some people out and they didn't hang out with me anymore. Now, I wait until I see someone that I know is real speak to a new person. That way, I can make sure the new person is real too and I don't scare people when I'm in public.
Focusing on work is nearly impossible when you have a mental disorder. Schizophrenics can't concentrate because of disorganization, racing thoughts, or hallucinations. I know this from experience. I don't know about other disorders as detailed, but I know it is still complicated.

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