If there is anything the past month has taught me, it is that I am an idiot. I am so stupid to ever thing that anything would ever work out for me. Why didn't I listen? Because I AM FUCKING RETARDED! I always mess everything up and am sooooo stupid!
I forced God's hand when I bought the jeep. Now it needs work and I can't afford it. I fooled myself into thinking that because I prayed over this not so smart thing, that it would be okay. I convinced myself that because I prayed for God to be in it that it would be okay. I prayed and blessed the house I am living in and my roommates and how I have to leave. I was so stupid to think that good things could ever go be for me. I forced God's hand in going to college and in graduating. I got the degree I shouldn't have got and did I use it? NO! Because I thought there was something better out there for me. Why? Because I am an idiot! I should have just settled to teach. I would have been unhappy, but at least I could afford a place to live, but nooooooo! I just had to think I could do something amazing and earn a masters. I probably won't even get accepted. BECAUSE I AM AN IDIOT!!!!! I should have killed myself a looooong time ago..oh wait! I tried! But guess what? I failed because I am so stupid!
Having a decent and affordable place to live is too much for me. Why would I ever think something like that could ever happen to me? Why would I ever think that I could be able to afford to do laundry or pay my own bills? Why did I ever think I'd have a nice car and everything would be okay? Why did I think people wanted to be my friend? Because I am an idiot!
What ever
A Schizophrenic
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