It went well I thought. The only thing that I wasn't so fond of was when our director gave the bassoon player a tenor saxophone solo. Our bassoonist is a jazz saxophonist, but it still didn't seem fair to me that he would take a solo that the tenor sax player had prepared and worked on. I was pretty made about that and also the fact that he didn't even ask to hear me play it. I was pretty upset as was the other tenor player. I understand that the director wants to do what sounds best, but he could have at least told us that is what was going to happen instead of just giving the solo to someone WHO DOESN'T EVEN PLAY IN THAT PIECE! Maybe if he had told us in advance I wouldn't be as upset, but I'd still probably be pretty upset. That just isn't okay.
As far as my health goes, I think I mentioned this last time, I'm still kinda sick. The medicine I was on only made 1 lymph node go down and the one behind my jaw managed to get larger while I was taking it. It got large enough that it started to hurt when I tried to turn my head in either direction. I'm still bleeding a bit but not as much today. A couple days ago it was pretty bad. I haven't bled from my gums or lips any so that is a plus. I feel tired a bit but I think that just may be because I'm bleeding and anemic. I also am having a hard time staying hydrated. I have to drink like 600 bottle of water a minute. (That definitely wasn't an exaggeration and this definitely isn't sarcasm) My doctor wanted me to wait 2 more weeks to go it, but I think I may call in Monday and talk to them.
I also found out about what happened in France. This world is sick. Something in peoples minds and hearts is getting twisted. I wonder if the people that did that knew they would end up there since they were a child or if they wanted to be doctors or teachers. I wonder what happened, what went wrong, and where? I would like to say that I can't imagine the kinda of hatred that it takes to do something like that. Unfortunately, I think I can though. I used to hate my step brother. I even tried to stab him. I fought him several times. If I weren't a Christian at the time and fighting this battle inside myself, I probably would have killed him and been all too happy about it. Everyday I faced that battle inside of who I wanted to follow. I wanted to hate him so bad, but I knew because I had Jesus in me that I shouldn't. I fought against my mind to do what was right. I'm not blaming my schizophrenia for this battle. This battle was all me. I've always been a hateful person. I was the problem child growing up. I always started the fights and was always hurting someone physically or verbally. I was never all that happy. It wasn't until I got saved that it all changed. I know that if God can change me than he can also change the people that attacked France. I think we should pray for the victims and their families but also the attackers as well. Even they aren't too far gone for God to reach them.
I have to go do laundry now.
Love, a schizophrenic
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