Back into the swing of things....hopefully

This semester has been extremely rough. I'm not gonna lie. The classes are much harder and more demanding, bills are stacking up, and the time between now and graduation is getting shorter. The funny thing is me stressing about graduation, but I still don't know when I'm graduating or even if they'll let me. They might kick me out 1st. I'mm here for a reason though and at least the financial aid office seems to know that so maybe they won't get rid of me too soon.
To take some self loathing and bad stress off myself this year, I've started a new way of thinking. I try to remind myself that life isn't about me. Life is about God and God is good. I also try to remind myself to be nice. I've observed others who seem to be polite and calm to everyone including the people who treat them poorly. How? How do you stumble upon that much self control? How do you have that type of love for the idiots in this world? I know the only way for me to be like that is with God's help because self control and love aren't two things my personality possesses naturally. Those things, to me, are more like buried treasure guarded by dragons, mummies, invisible beings, and poisonous butterflies that eat children and white people for fun. In order to change that I have given myself visual reminders that I read to myself every morning and every evening before bed. On my mirror I have written things that God is and some of the names he has. My favorite ones are Jehovah-Jireh which means "God the provider" and Jehovah- Shammah or "the eternal God." There are so many other good ones. I love El Shaddai, Adonai, Jehovah Nissi, Jehovah Shalom, and Jehovah Rahi. I could go on an on, but I won't. I also wrote off to the side my prayer request that I pray over everyday. Hopefully, having so much of him and so little of me will change things in my mind for the better. I hope that didn't come off as bragging. I just wanted to share an idea. Somethings aren't right in my life, but I think if I keep praying and making mental notes and efforts things will begin to change.
My dilemma coming up now is whether or not to go home for a couple days during spring break or go back to the school after tour and work a few days. I told my parents I'd have a decision by tomorrow assuming they'd be able to drive me back. I don't wanna miss a second with my sym band friends who have basically become my family, but I also don't want to miss opportunities to be with my blood. I rarely get to see them anymore. I love them, but I'm not as close to them as my friends are with their families. Sometimes I am jealous of that, but other times I am glad. I catch myself getting jealous of my friends when they seem to get along so well with their moms. I vaguely remember my mom anymore and me and my step mom don't exactly see eye to eye on things. Our personalities clash if we're together for too long. I need to see my baby sister though. We need to get caught up on some things. Plus, it would be nice to not have to buy groceries for a few days and possible get some laundry done for free. Anyway, I think ima go catch up on The Walking Dead.
Please, everyone,take into consideration the rights and feelings of others in your day to day activities. Be the person that makes the change not the one that makes life worse. Consider other's positions and thoughts. Be patient, kind, and loving.
                                                             Love, a schizophrenic

Its been a minute

It seems like ages since I've made a blog post. Things have been so hectic with work, school, and traveling. I don't even know where to start. This blog was originally intended to be like advice or something on a the topic of mental illness. Now it may be a bit more of a journal too. I'm not that interesting a person I guess so I don't have too much to say. I've said about all on here that I can about my past, but most of it should stay a secret. That is why I don't write about everything in my past on here. So much of it my best best bestest friends don't even know. I don't want them to know what kind of person I was and the things that I did and said to people. Most things on here will be more about my day to day stuff.
I'm struggling with aural skills as usual. How am I supposed to focus on music when I have voices screaming at me? Its the same with all my other classes too. Every voice I hear likes to scream. Maybe thats why I'm not so nice. Because I hear negative things from voices all the time I've started to think like them again. To top it all off, one of my friend groups had a lot of drama and then we got followed by a demon. I struggle to put my contacts in everyday. I don't like glasses. I've had like a trillion compliments from people, mostly guys, since I've started using contacts. I get to play bass sax in our saxophone choir. It is amazing and I love it. A couple people say some rude things to me about doing my jury on it. They think it is stupid and worthless even if it is fun. I think they are just jealous and mad that they weren't offered the opportunity to play it. I did kinda rub it in their faces though by naming the horn after myself....conceded? Maybe on a lottle. Just for fun though. Oh, I don't remember if I wrote about this or not, but my dad almost died over Christmas break. Simple surgery gone terribly wrong. There was so much internal bleeding. The doctors didn't expect him to live, but he made it. Thank God. I don't know what I'd do if I lost anyone else. My great aunt just died, but I don't remember her all that much. It has been maybe 10 years since I'd seen her. She was awesome. A guy at work got fired because he kept saying bad things about me behind my back. The things he said the last time were so bad that no one was comfortable repeating it to me. Whatever. Anyway, thats been my life the past little bit. Laters bruhs and lady bruhs.
                                                                                     Love, A Schizophrenic