About 10 years ago I had joined a youth group at a church. We had a youth pastor who said many crude things to many kids and about other kids in the group. I recall one trip in particular that made many uncomfortable by his presence. My cousin came to me upset because of something that had happened in their hotel room the previous night. He said that Kevin, the youth pastor, had been bullying and embarrassing him. He said that Kevin pantsed him in front of everyone in the room, pushed him on the bed, and forced a stuffed animal up his you know where. Later on the trip Kevin had touched my hip and my breast. He made comments about it to the older boys in the group later. Fast forward to this year. Kevin is no longer the youth pastor, but was running for a seat on the board of education back home. I emailed the superintendent explaining why this man should not be allowed to run and should not be anywhere near children. I never received an email, but was relieved when I saw that he had not been elected.
So now what? Well, this is not the first time that I have opened up to someone about some sort of sexual abuse or unwanted sexual act. Many people are afraid to tell because they do not know what happens afterwards. I feared getting in trouble and ruining someone's life. Kevin has 2 daughters. What happens to them? Could it ruin their lives?
1st off, lets talk about what can happen after you tell. In a way it will be relieving because you no longer have that secret and you can begin to heal. You can begin to learn that what happened was not your fault and the consequences the offender faces after you tell is also not your fault.You are not alone and you do not have to heal alone either. There are people that can help you.
2nd, what might happen. This is the scary part. There is a chance no one will believe you. It happened to me and I took long to begin healing because I did not want to offend others by calling out their dis belief. The person may get angry and target you. I have also had this happen because no one believed me and he was set left free. Others may come forth about what the person did to them. This has also happened to me. After I opened up about my brother's friend trying to rape me many of my friends and even strangers from my school spoke up and said that he had done the same to them. It may save someone. What if Kevin is doing the same thing to his daughters? Well, now someone knows to watch for it. What if he isn't? What if it ruins his life or theirs? These things are not your fault. The person does these things themselves when they commit the act(s).
3rd. What does NOT happen. You may not heal immediately. You will not get into trouble. It may not fix your life or cover up the scars.
If you have been abused in someway by someone please tell someone! The way we end the stigma about all the #metoo is by talking about it. Make it known.
Take care of yourselves and each other.
Love, A Schizophrenic
